I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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