too bad you live with your parents still
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
