got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
