he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
