this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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