Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
