I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
