I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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