oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
