The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
