is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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