I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
