sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
