I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
