My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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