I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
