scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
