he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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