i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize