im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
