I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize