If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
