he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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