SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
