I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry my hands just texted you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
