Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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