Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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