i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
