Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
