so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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