Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
