I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
