I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
