what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
