Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
