While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
