insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
