Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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