A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
