____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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