If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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