Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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