i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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