Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
