"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
