I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
