I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
