Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
