Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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