OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
