I'm really into asian looking animals
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
