did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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