just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
