i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
