We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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