i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
