Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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