I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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