glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
