Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
