Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
