She announced her abortion via fbk
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
