What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
NoShamevember. You game?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
