So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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