He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
