there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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