dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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