dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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