Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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