You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
