He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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