I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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