I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize