Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
