walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
