put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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