im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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