I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize