Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
